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Why People Have Sex…and When They Should Reconsider
Why people have sex doesn’t seem like a mystery, but a study was done at the University of Texas, surveying people and asking that very question. We might assume that “It feels good” or “I wanted to show my love” or “I wanted to get pregnant” were among the top contenders of maybe five or so reasons, but we would be way off the mark! The study found that people answered that question with over 200 distinct reasons! Interestingly, “revenge,” “fear,” “loneliness,” “possession,” “control,” “I didn’t know how to say no,” “I was obligated,” or “I wanted to make up…
Eight Things Not to Do After—or During—A Break Up
1) Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you want what you don’t really want. I remember when I was younger and mourning the loss of my boyfriend—the one whom I had broken up with for a multitude of good reasons. I was sobbing uncontrollably while comparing myself to the unknown entity of a woman he was now planning to marry. I was certain she must have some magic ingredient that I did not, after all, she got the guy. Of course, what I was neglecting to do as I compared myself to her was take any time at all to…
The Deception of Anger in Love
Often when we get caught up in our anger, we think it is the only emotion we are feeling with, perhaps, a little hurt and fear mixed in. When we only “listen” to the voice of our anger, hurt and fear, we are often misguided about what we really want. Consequently, the words, thoughts and actions generated by these emotions almost always lead us away from what we want instead of towards it. These emotions are generated by our ego’s desire to protect us. The only problem is that the ego is not the part of us that is skilled…
Starting Again—with You
Often when a couple with a long history together comes to me in an attempt to save their relationship, I find myself recommending that they ritualistically end the old relationship—even if they want to stay together. It is a bit akin to having the right ingredients for a meal but the wrong recipe. It is okay to say good-bye to that recipe but that doesn’t mean that you need to throw out the ingredients. When two people love each other, but haven’t been able to sustain a harmonious relationship, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they need to find a different…
The Slippery Slope of Trust
As a society, most of us would unanimously rank trust as an important part of relationships. We want to trust that the people we live with, work with, and love, are going to do everything in their power not to hurt us. Among the singles and couples I work with I often hear the question uttered, “How do I know I can trust him/her?” My simple answer is “You can’t know if you can trust them.” But I go on to explain, “Even more important is to know that trust solely placed in someone else, is misguided.” Trust in someone…